After I told Mark, I began to feel different about my anti-depressant state. I did feel relieved to have told him about being on Zoloft but I also felt defeated. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I couldn’t conquer my own body. I felt as though my symptoms and pain were too great for me to handle and I felt mentally weak. I felt as though I was powerless to my circumstances. I carried on that way for about six or seven months.
Round this time I was taking Kaya to pre-school two times a week. On the way home from picking her up one day we were met by a particularly long stop light. As I sat there in the car waiting, I fell asleep. Once the light turned green it took the lady behind me honking numerous times before I startled awake. When I realized what I had done. The tears began to flow. I was defeated at this point and decided that I should probably give my doctor a visit.
I went to a different doctor this time mostly because I was embarrassed by the mental break down that I had in the previous doctor’s office. I told him my symptoms. I am exhausted all of the time, I am sad, I feel defeated by my circumstances, my body is in pain all of the time, I’m taking 6-8 Advil’s a day and am getting no relief from my anti-depressant. After he looked at me as though I was mentally unstable (which I was but nobody wants to be looked at that way) he told me that I would definitely feel better if I took another anti-depressant Wellbutrin.
“So you want me to switch anti-depressants?” I asked
“No, I want you to take your Zoloft and the Wellbutrin at the same time” he stated.
“Do you really think I need TWO anti-depressants?” wanting to be clear.
“I think a person in your circumstances would benefit from the use of both drugs together. Sometimes Zoloft on its own doesn’t work, so adding Wellbutrin enhances the effectiveness of the Zoloft” He stated as if straight from the drug label. “I’ll write you the prescription and be right back.”
As he walked out my head was spinning and it wasn’t from the migraine this time. What the hell does he mean by, “a person in your circumstances?” and also “I am officially crazy, right now, in this office it has affirmed that I need not one, but two drugs to regain some sort of normal.” He came back in and handed me two prescriptions. As I looked at them trying to read what he wrote, he declared “I wrote one for a migraine medication also, that should take your headaches away!” As if he was doing me a favor.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I walked out.
I checked out and then drove to the pharmacy to fill two prescriptions and hopefully feel better. I also bought a huge bar of chocolate and some ice cream because I was depressed and that’s what depressed people do, right?
Check out the previous installments of "My Journey" Here.
Also, I'm sorry for slacking on my posting lately but to be honest - I haven't felt inspired to write.
As I've promised before I'll post as it comes, when it's quality and when it's original.
I appreciate you reading!