Monday, January 19, 2015

Unexpected Expectancy

So much has happened since I've last blogged but instead of painfully going through each detail, I’ll just jump right into it. Here’s a funny story. It was late July and time for my annual lady appointment which I found to be a good thing because I was having some fairly uncomfortable cramping. My appointment was in the afternoon and my mother in law hung out with my kids while I went to see my OB. It was the usual yearly appointment until I told her that I was having regularly intense cramping and that I also had a history in my family of fibroids and early hysterectomies. The doctor decided to order an ultra sound to see what the situation was.

I came back two days later to have the ultra sound. The day after that I get a phone call from the nurse. She said, “The doctor would like you to come in to discuss your ultra sound”. Ummmm…..Is everything okay, I asked. “I can’t discuss it with you ma’am you’ll need to come in and talk to the doctor”. When one gets this kind of phone call the mind immediately goes to worst case scenario. Within minutes I had concocted a crazy - I probably have a tumor - story in my mind. That night I talked to my husband who assured me that I most likely had fibroids like other family members and that I would be fine.

That night, like many times before, we discussed the fact that we were completely done having kids and that if they had to go in for fibroids that I should just get my tubes tied so that we wouldn’t have to worry about birth control anymore. I went to bed that night completely at peace with the conclusion that we had come to. Our kids were about to be 10 and 6 and we were moving on into a new phase of our lives. One where children sleep through the night and feed themselves. One where I had just started my own business and am enjoying the freedom of having both children in school all day.

A day or so passes and my husband leaves work early to meet me at the appointment. I had him come with me so that he could remember all of my options regarding potential surgeries for fibroids or hysterectomies. We go in, wait, the doctor comes in. “Hi Rachael,” she says opening my file. “So after looking at your ultra sound you are actually pregnant”. “Excuse me? Pregnant? Did you say I’m pregnant? No I came in here to discuss fibroids, hysterectomy, getting my tubes tied. We’re done having kids. I don’t want any more kids. See I brought my husband so that he could hear all of my options…we are done having kids. My youngest is 6. I have a 10 year old!”

She cut me off. “Let’s go see if the ultra sound room is open”. She stands up, my husband and I follow her silently. I lay down. She squeezes jelly onto a wand and puts it on my belly. My husband grabs my hand and we both stare motionlessly up at the screen. Up pops a shape resembling a baby with a very clear heartbeat. I began crying not out of excited but out of pure disappointment. She took some measurements, “you are about 10 weeks pregnant” she says and she takes some screen shots of the baby and prints them out. “That’s almost three months! How the hell did I not know?!” I asked. She reassured me that it was common, handed me the pictures and then suggested that I make an appointment for my first prenatal checkup soon. “You’ll be fine she said. There’s always other options if you’re really not wanting another child, you just need to make up your mind about that soon”. She patted my leg and walked out of the room.

My husband and I sat there for a moment both of our heads spinning, bodies frozen in shock. Without talking we walked out of the room and to the check out area. I handed her the paper, “so do you want to make a follow up appointment?” she asked. “I’m not sure,” I said “I’ll get back to you on that”. I was in complete, absolute, paralyzing shock - I needed out of that office already before they could tell me any other life altering news.

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