So I spent the last couple of days rereading the “my journey” posts and it was sadish and enlightening. Sadish because rereading those posts about my time spent in post-partum depression was sad and reading it again reminded me of how far I’ve come and yet that I still have a ways to go. Enlightening because I was reminded that I’m a writer not an editor – yikes!!
Any who, to recap a bit about where we left off in the journey. It all started when I had baby numero dos (2) I was beyond exhausted and really just maxed out in my life. All of my life hood dysfunctions had sort of come to a head – I was tired all of the time yet I wasn’t sleeping well, I had massive migraines, body aches, back and leg pain, brain fogginess, over all sadness, stomach issues, skin issues (acne and hives), hair loss – I really just felt like I was dying or falling apart or both all of the time. On top of it all I was a stay at home mom who had two young kids to take care of and kids don’t care if you feel like hell - life had to keep going. I went to my 6 week post-partum appointment and was told that I had depression. I was put on medication for it. You can read more about the here.
Even after being put on the medication most of the time it felt like I was drowning – drowning in the middle of a huge lake and everyone was just standing around the lake talking, laughing and carrying on with their lives not even aware that I was drowning. In between weeks of not leaving the house I would get a spark of light and realize that life had to be better than what I was living. I would find another doctor and either get told I was fine or get another diagnoses. A year of doctors visits trying to figure out what was wrong with me got me 5 medications, multiple blood tests, a thyroid ultrasound, a CT Scan, x-rays of my back, hips and legs, I was told that I had fibromyalgia and I was also told I had a leaky gut and a gluten allergy. I was a mess and my body was falling apart. I was clearly not fine.
Amidst all of this we went to Kenya to visit my husband’s family for six weeks. I lost a bag along the way that had my medications in it. Coming down off of anti-depressants that rapidly sent me on a trip to crash landing ville. Kenya was a much needed wake up call for me. It gave me perspective and forced me to realize that I had ventured down a long dark corridor trying to find relief from my symptoms but no one could tell me why all of this was happening to me at the ripe young age of 24. I was 24 and was on multiple medications yet was finding very little relief from what was going on. Kenya was so extremely different from what I was used to in every way. I learned so much while I was there about myself and about life that I couldn’t go back home and not adopt some of these new ways of life and thinking. Kenya was the beginning domino that set off a long series of changes in my life.
When we came home I knew I needed to get movement back into my body so by accident I started doing yoga and then began to address the emotional connection to my health problems. These were the first two steps on the stair case back up to feeling well again. The next series of posts will continue to be about how I got my life back through small yet sustainable changes. Get caught up on all the my journey posts here and I see you on the next post!